Those words, ‘my husband left the family’ sound so straight
forward and simple, they fail to convey their actual tsunami effect . . .
tsunami? . . . umm: calamity . . . sudden
and without warning . . . devastation . . . yes, tsunami! . . . but after, the sun comes out!
I’d gone back to work part-time 5 or 6 months before that
sentence became part of my history. I
had never questioned the Catholic mandate that marriage was permanent, no one
in my family had ever divorced. Were
there indications of problems? Yes,
countless ones, and low-level tension, but his absolute refusal to consider
counseling or even discuss the issues with me made me think, “O.K. I’m stuck
with this” but divorce? Never. Neighbors were going through a divorce and my
6 year old daughter asked, “Are you and daddy going to get divorced?” I assured her we were not because we are
Catholic—within a month he walked out. I
was totally unprepared; had never handled finances, did not even know the where
or if of bank accounts, was new to Georgia and all my family lived 1000 miles
away in Connecticut.
I don’t know how I got through the first six months but
looking back I believe it was a case of ‘not enough oil for the lamps, yet the
lamps didn’t run out’! My folks urged us
(kids and me) to return to Connecticut—they could watch the kids while I got
back to full-time work; when I finally realized he was not going to ‘wake up’
and return to the family, and I acknowledged I wasn’t able to survive on
part-time work, I gratefully accepted their offer and we headed North.
In this new chapter the kids felt secure and happy on the
farm and I could work free of worry. I
became head of the Occupational Therapy department at Hartford Hospital
Psychiatric Unit. . . . The tsunami receded. My confidence returned, along with a burst of
creativity and I began writing poetry.
The sun was peeking out and I knew I could make it. My folks were tough, hard-working New England
farmers who rose to meet, without complaint, whatever challenge presented
itself. They’d helped me for nearly a
year when I needed it, now it was time to get on with my life.
This decade which had begun with feeling as if my life had
ended was actually its beginning. I’d
lost myself. The writer ‘me’ that I’d
recognized at age 10 got swallowed up in the Good-Catholic-Wife-role I felt
obliged to uphold. When my husband
objected to my wasting time on ‘all that unpaid writing and pointless study of
useless things’ I’d moved it from the foreground to secret stolen hours to
avoid his disdain. It took some time to recognize that removing that vital
part of me had led to the demise of the rest of me. Yet to say something positive, I never
doubted that to have these kids had been worth it.
The children and I returned to Georgia and while working as
a waitress I fortuitously found work as director of the OT department at
Georgia Mental Health Institute; in a couple of years I enrolled in the West
Georgia College Psychology Masters program and following graduation became a
Psychologist for the state of Georgia in a variety of positions over the
next five years. My writing during that
time was composing psychological evaluations and case studies . . . and
privately, journaling and poetry.
After my oldest child, Lisa graduated for high school, a new decade for us began; I
landed the job I’d been wanting and seeking since receiving my MA—a teaching
job at Palm Beach Junior College (re-name Community College during my
tenure). A perk with the job was free
tuition for my children; Lisa chose to attend there. My background included degrees in Occupational Therapy, Psychology and Child
Development (my first degree). The
school had an Occupational Therapy Assistant program and I taught courses in
all 3 areas. After having taught Intro
to OT for several semesters I felt a good text book was needed for beginners
in the field, I submitted a proposal to Mosby Publishers. It was accepted and Introduction to Occupational Therapy is
now in its 4th edition. (other
co-authors were brought in as I am no longer an active OT) At last, the sun was fully out! My ten years of teaching at PBJC as my children
grew to adulthood were the happiest and most rewarding of my life.
(to
be continued)
I'm so glad you are writing this.
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